When Death Is So Tempting.
Too many people in this world feel like the snow is
talking to them; they listen to it, and, death is the result. As a homeless girl trespasses through the
frozen forest “I’m right behind you”
whispered a voice heavy with age. The
icicles in the haunted wood shattered like glass as the creeping trees reached
out with bone white fingers. Her hair
was brown with a hint of white from the melting snow, in every snowstorm there
is only pain. The deep snow on the worn
out grass seemed like a welcoming duvet beside a glowing fire. The snowflakes felt almost warm on her flaky
skin. “Lie down” the voice whispered.
Her heart told her to keep going, but her head disagreed. She finally fell and the night whispered “Don’t listen to your head”. Now only
friendship could save her. Somewhere, in
the blistering town, one girl named Lucy, with a life of secrets, walked into
the deadly wood.
As Lucy ventured deeper and deeper into the wood, her
eyes began to water. She wept “Where am I?” Suddenly, in the corner of her eye she could just
see the head of a blank body. “Help me” the body whispered. “What
is your name?” Lucy asked as she shivered.
“I have no name, I am homeless”
Lucy helped this stranger up, and warmed her in her coat. But suddenly the wind blew and the snowflakes
began to fall again. They both fell deep
into the blanket of snow, and there they lay, for hundreds of years to come. Their graves were accompanied by ice blocks
and every summer, when the ice melted, their spirits were released. Still to this day, they roam the forest
floor, hoping for somebody help them find peace.
That is very lovely - but oh so sad. This is firstborn's? Deeply impressive. xxx
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful piece of writing. It brought a single tear to my eye. I want to read more!
ReplyDeleteExcellent story. I want more! :)
ReplyDeleteOh that's so well-written. I love that opener.More please
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful opening and such a powerful tale. Ethereal. I love it.
ReplyDeleteHow Poetically Bleak...
ReplyDeleteNicely done. :)
Very creepy, but fabulous nonetheless. More please, Firstborn Shrew! Big hug to you from Italy, you clever girl. x
ReplyDeleteThis is so incredibly sad, but amazingly beautiful at the same time. So very well written, such talent at such a young age.
ReplyDeleteNurture that! xx
It's beautifully written - has The Guest Poster been introduced to Angela Carter?
ReplyDeleteThis is very impressive. You paint a vivid (yet ice cold ;)) picture. Beautifully written. Sad and haunting. Well done, I hope you keep enjoying writing!
ReplyDeleteWHOA!!! Tell that little girl to NEVER give up writing!
ReplyDeleteProfound, simple and strong and sort of ageless. Please congratulate young shrew for me! Clearly a very clever and thoughtful girl. If I say it had a most excellent opening that implies I thought it tailed away. It didn't, but the opening was good, good.
ReplyDeleteSpookily effective - I was almost shivering, reading it. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteIs there a place that this was inspired by? It took me to a place I know where the standing stones now lay in the grass and have done for hundreds of thousands of years.
ReplyDeleteOne day you will be a famous writer.
ReplyDeleteAndrea x
This is quite ravishing. I LOVE the idea of too many people in the world feeling that the snow is talking to them. (Forgive vulgar use of capital letters, but that LOVE must be stressed.) I also very much like the life of secrets; that is the line that makes me want to read more. Making your readers want to turn the page is the great secret of all writing, and is very, very hard to achieve.
ReplyDeleteI rather wish I had just been pithy, like Andrea, and said that one day you will be a famous writer. But I was so excited by this that I had to bang on a bit.
Well, well done. I hope you will allow us to read some more one day.
Tania x
That's wonderfully written. Very well done.
ReplyDeleteI hope you'll keep writing so we can all enjoy it.
Beautiful I understand exactly the temptation of hiding under a blanket, wonderful picture painting too
ReplyDeleteKeep writing