Parenting

 

I thought it would be hard work pushing out a baby.

I thought it was hard work being a parent when F went blue at 12 hours old.

I thought it was hard work being a parent when L was born early and an interesting shade of citrine.

I thought it was really hard work being a parent when my children said goodbye to their father when he left for another country and another woman.

I knew it was really hard work being a parent when we went through sleepless nights, Chicken Pox, German Measles, Foot & Mouth, Swine Flu and other assorted illnesses, concussions, falls and choking fits.

What I never expected was how hard it would be to be the parent of a child approaching teenagehood. A girl awash with hormones and emotions she doesn't understand or know how to express. Poor F. And poor me. She didn't come with a manual so I'm at a total loss. I've just about got childhood parenting sorted. I know how to use my magic kisses to make scrapes and sores better. I can handle being woken on the hour, every hour during the night and then going to work in the morning. I know how to make all sorts of interesting craft items out of cardboard loo roll innards, sellotape, foil and some cotton wool. I can create an "Easter Bonnet" from rubbish fished out of the bin. I can whip up a costume at 5 minutes notice for BookDay without breaking a sweat. There are so many things I have learnt how to do and have mastered to what even I, with my high standards, think are rather fabulous!

So of course,  now it's the time to start something new. Something I don't understand at all. I'm lost. At an utter loss. I am broken already and apparently I've only just started to feel the pain. TEENAGERS. I thought I liked and understood them. As a teacher I spend most of my time with them and I love their sassy attitude, their refusal to accept the status quo, their pushiness, their hilarious moods, their....... and now I live with one. I live with a child who is becoming a teen. Who has hormones coming out of her ears. She is getting spotty and (unless I nag) smelly. Her vocabulary now consists of a huge proportion of "like", "sor'ov", "y'know", "LOOOOOOSER!" and "S'not FAIR!". I am not ready for this.

I AM NOT READY FOR THIS....

Today F and I had a standoff about deceit. About going out to see a friend in one set of clothes and returning in another, less suitable set of clothes. I don't really mind what she wears because I still pay for the clothes and therefore have the largest say in what she chooses. I mind that she felt the need to hide the other clothes in her bag and pretend to me that she wasn't going to wear them. There was no reason for it - I don't understand why she did it. It's just the latest in a long line of pointless, petty lies (which the marvellous @smartie999 says I need to refer to as "fibs" so they hurt me less). She never gains anything from not telling the truth. It's practically the only thing I get really aerated about.

So why do it? And why, when you know you'll get into trouble, KEEP ON doing it?

Lovely @andromedababe says all mothers cry over their children sometimes, and I know she's right. I'm just so unprepared for all of this. So unprepared and so unready. Why can't she just stay as the darling, honest, funny, beautiful, fabulous child I know and love. I still love her just as much, I'm just not ready to let go of her childhood. She's only 10..... Surely it never started this early before?

I'm so glad L is still young enough to need my magic kisses.

(ps: Thank you to all my wonderful Twitter friends who offered support and understanding today while I flailed around wildly. I appreciate your input more than you know. xx @moonflowerchild @dottyfinlow @grayhamjam @sirblimelywindy @katebielby @ellaboheme @mandsywoo @ariadnes_web @deililly @smiliemommy @mariam_kobras @look_mama @titianred @joanneh234 @washmysocks @ozgirlnc @mr_geoff @porridgebrain @riggerthegeek @voiceovergirl )