Parenting

 

I thought it would be hard work pushing out a baby.

I thought it was hard work being a parent when F went blue at 12 hours old.

I thought it was hard work being a parent when L was born early and an interesting shade of citrine.

I thought it was really hard work being a parent when my children said goodbye to their father when he left for another country and another woman.

I knew it was really hard work being a parent when we went through sleepless nights, Chicken Pox, German Measles, Foot & Mouth, Swine Flu and other assorted illnesses, concussions, falls and choking fits.

What I never expected was how hard it would be to be the parent of a child approaching teenagehood. A girl awash with hormones and emotions she doesn't understand or know how to express. Poor F. And poor me. She didn't come with a manual so I'm at a total loss. I've just about got childhood parenting sorted. I know how to use my magic kisses to make scrapes and sores better. I can handle being woken on the hour, every hour during the night and then going to work in the morning. I know how to make all sorts of interesting craft items out of cardboard loo roll innards, sellotape, foil and some cotton wool. I can create an "Easter Bonnet" from rubbish fished out of the bin. I can whip up a costume at 5 minutes notice for BookDay without breaking a sweat. There are so many things I have learnt how to do and have mastered to what even I, with my high standards, think are rather fabulous!

So of course,  now it's the time to start something new. Something I don't understand at all. I'm lost. At an utter loss. I am broken already and apparently I've only just started to feel the pain. TEENAGERS. I thought I liked and understood them. As a teacher I spend most of my time with them and I love their sassy attitude, their refusal to accept the status quo, their pushiness, their hilarious moods, their....... and now I live with one. I live with a child who is becoming a teen. Who has hormones coming out of her ears. She is getting spotty and (unless I nag) smelly. Her vocabulary now consists of a huge proportion of "like", "sor'ov", "y'know", "LOOOOOOSER!" and "S'not FAIR!". I am not ready for this.

I AM NOT READY FOR THIS....

Today F and I had a standoff about deceit. About going out to see a friend in one set of clothes and returning in another, less suitable set of clothes. I don't really mind what she wears because I still pay for the clothes and therefore have the largest say in what she chooses. I mind that she felt the need to hide the other clothes in her bag and pretend to me that she wasn't going to wear them. There was no reason for it - I don't understand why she did it. It's just the latest in a long line of pointless, petty lies (which the marvellous @smartie999 says I need to refer to as "fibs" so they hurt me less). She never gains anything from not telling the truth. It's practically the only thing I get really aerated about.

So why do it? And why, when you know you'll get into trouble, KEEP ON doing it?

Lovely @andromedababe says all mothers cry over their children sometimes, and I know she's right. I'm just so unprepared for all of this. So unprepared and so unready. Why can't she just stay as the darling, honest, funny, beautiful, fabulous child I know and love. I still love her just as much, I'm just not ready to let go of her childhood. She's only 10..... Surely it never started this early before?

I'm so glad L is still young enough to need my magic kisses.

(ps: Thank you to all my wonderful Twitter friends who offered support and understanding today while I flailed around wildly. I appreciate your input more than you know. xx @moonflowerchild @dottyfinlow @grayhamjam @sirblimelywindy @katebielby @ellaboheme @mandsywoo @ariadnes_web @deililly @smiliemommy @mariam_kobras @look_mama @titianred @joanneh234 @washmysocks @ozgirlnc @mr_geoff @porridgebrain @riggerthegeek @voiceovergirl )

Sunday

It was beautiful today. I thought you'd prefer pictures to words:

Happy Sunday!

Guest Post - When Death Is So Tempting

When Death Is So Tempting.

Too many people in this world feel like the snow is talking to them; they listen to it, and, death is the result.  As a homeless girl trespasses through the frozen forest “I’m right behind you” whispered a voice heavy with age.  The icicles in the haunted wood shattered like glass as the creeping trees reached out with bone white fingers.  Her hair was brown with a hint of white from the melting snow, in every snowstorm there is only pain.  The deep snow on the worn out grass seemed like a welcoming duvet beside a glowing fire.  The snowflakes felt almost warm on her flaky skin.  “Lie down” the voice whispered.  Her heart told her to keep going, but her head disagreed.  She finally fell and the night whispered “Don’t listen to your head”. Now only friendship could save her.  Somewhere, in the blistering town, one girl named Lucy, with a life of secrets, walked into the deadly wood.

As Lucy ventured deeper and deeper into the wood, her eyes began to water.  She wept “Where am I?”  Suddenly, in the corner of her eye she could just see the head of a blank body.  “Help me” the body whispered.  “What is your name?” Lucy asked as she shivered.  “I have no name, I am homeless” Lucy helped this stranger up, and warmed her in her coat.  But suddenly the wind blew and the snowflakes began to fall again.  They both fell deep into the blanket of snow, and there they lay, for hundreds of years to come.  Their graves were accompanied by ice blocks and every summer, when the ice melted, their spirits were released.  Still to this day, they roam the forest floor, hoping for somebody help them find peace.